The Angel: Aspen Rae
It’s an old joke that everyone should know by now: When you refer to a woman as having a “great personality,” we all know what that means.
She’s not a looker – but she’d make a great, uh, friend. Or acquaintance. Or someone you wouldn’t mind sharing a long elevator ride with…assuming she doesn’t smell bad or anything.
This euphemism is not just a joke; it’s also an insult. A backhanded compliment, as it were. Lots of us have a great personality. We’re pleasant, fun to talk with, and maybe even a little engaging. But in the Looks Department? Um, let’s not go there! It’ll be better for all of us.
But for those of us who love female bodybuilders, personality does in fact matter. Maybe not a great deal, but it’s especially significant when we’re dealing with our female muscle fantasies. We love FBBs for obvious reasons: Their beauty, muscularity, curves, strength, power, confidence, sexual appeal, enigmatic nature, bravery, perseverance, and so on. There’s no need to rehash this. However, one cannot deny that FBBs can enhance their appeal by striving toward (the more pessimistic of us may say “pandering”) embodying certain personas that we enjoy.
What personas are we referring to? Let’s list a few:
- The Badass
- The Angel
- The Muscle Girl Next-Door
- The Porn Star
- The Savvy Business Woman
- The Elegant Temptress
- The Dignified Muscle Matriarch
- The Carefree Youth
- The Dirty Old Muscle Granny
- The Fun-Loving Free Spirit
There are probably others, but let’s settle for these for now. Many of our favorite female bodybuilders could fall into one of these categories. Some belong in multiple categories. And the prodigious of them could attempt to try all of them at some point in their careers. Let us look at these in further detail.
Simply put, The Badass is the tough-as-nails chick who can easily kick your ass if you give her a reason to do so. She wears leather jackets, rides motorcycles, and chugs beers faster than a college freshman looking to get laid – in photoshoots, that is. Maybe not in real life.
She wants you to know that she’s dangerous. She isn’t always angry, but you don’t want to see her when she is. No way, José! Like Bruce Banner becoming The Hulk, she can easily pick you up by the throat and choke slam you to the ground. Just don’t give her a reason to do that. Or have a Snickers bar handy just in case.
The Badass, like most of these personas, exists mostly in our imagination and not in real life. You might see your favorite FBB post a photo on her Instagram of her splitting wood with a chainsaw or impaling a zombie (presumably, not a real one!) with a baseball bat, but odds are she really spends her free time baking sweet potatoes and mixing protein shakes in the kitchen. But oh well. Fantasy Land is always much more fun than the Real World, right?
The Badass: Suzy Kellner
The polar opposite of The Badass is The Angel. She’s sweet, innocent, kind, and thoughtful. She posts photos not just of her lifting weights at the gym, but also inspiring quotes, candid shots of her adorable puppy dog, and recipes for gluten-free raspberry bagels (yuck!). She’s wholesome in the sense that she rarely posts anything too provocative, but it’s not beneath her to share the occasional bikini pic if it’s summertime.
She’s very pretty and feminine, perhaps a little too feminine for some of our tastes. You suspect she’s trying not to fall into the stereotype of the masculine-looking female bodybuilder, so she compensates by acting more “girly” than you (or even she) are comfortable with. The Angel never ruffles any feathers and rarely gets into arguments with online trolls. She’s confident in who she is but doesn’t want to make it too obvious. After all, nobody likes a show-off.
Unlike The Badass, The Angel’s personality never feels forced. It appears to be natural. It’s who she really is. We may not like it from a fantasy point-of-view, but if that’s who she actually is, we’ll celebrate her regardless.
The Muscle Girl Next-Door
This type of FBB can be either a Badass or an Angel. Or neither. Or a combination of both. No matter what, she’s not as glamourous as the Angel nor as dramatic as The Badass. She’s pretty, but not as gorgeous as a supermodel. She’s more “cute” than “drop-dead gorgeous.” In other words, she looks like she could be your next-door neighbor. Hence, the reason why her nickname is…
The Muscle Girl-Next-Door doesn’t necessarily look super muscular at casual glance. Maybe it’s because she likes to wear hoodies and gym sweatpants. Or because she’s more “fit” and not as muscular as a competitive bodybuilder. But no matter what, she captures your attention every time you go outside to take out the trash or fetch your mail. She’s pleasant when you strike up the occasional conversation with her, but that’s about as far as it goes. You know you have no chance with her. Yet, you feel compelled to continue to dream…
The Porn Star: Yvette Bova
The Porn Star
This is where it gets really…uh, exciting. The Porn Star is definitely different than The Angel, but isn’t necessarily The Badass or The Muscle Girl Next-Door. She could be, but what she really is – and this cannot be argued with – is an exhibitionist to the extreme.
Lots of FBBs, fitness models, and wannabe fitness models (just scroll through the #fitgirl hashtag on Instagram) are perfectly willing to show off their bodies to the public. For that, we are eternally grateful! But most – not all – have certain limitations of what they are willing to expose. Some don’t mind nudity. Others are more willing, especially if it’s behind a subscription firewall, to do a little more than that.
The Porn Star isn’t always an actual porn star in the traditional sense. They aren’t always famous or well-known to porn enthusiasts (which, for the record, none of us are willing to ever admit to being…), but their work is widely seen by the people who are most likely to appreciate it. The Porn Star can go solo or she can be with a partner – or multiple partners if she so chooses. She can simply take off her clothes and masturbate quietly for the camera. Or she can allow six or seven guys to gang bang her until semen is coming out of her ears (don’t try to picture that in your mind). Or anywhere in between.
The Porn Star has no inhibitions. She is an exhibitionist to the extreme. She has a fantastic body and a dynamic sexuality that cannot be constrained. The world deserves to see her in her full glory. After all, depriving society of her “goods” would be a crime against humanity. And if she is able to entice countless guys and gals to “get off” from watching her art, so be it. That’s what art is for, right? To stimulate the imagination?
We’ll leave it at that.
The Savvy Business Woman
We love muscular women who know how to make a buck. Often times, we’re the ones who are opening our wallets to subsidize their lifestyles. The Savvy Business Woman knows how to use the right hashtags to promote her line of gym swag. She never passes up on an opportunity to plug her favorite brand of protein powder or energy bars. She understands all of these personalities better than anyone. And not only does she understand them, she knows how to profit off of them too.
She looks just as comfortable wearing a tailored suit as she is wearing a bikini. Maybe she wears both in the same day. But more than that, she knows damn well that it’s a business first and a passion second. Yeah, plenty of FBBs say they love weightlifting and competing because they find it “empowering” or “fulfilling,” but the Savvy Business Woman deep down inside believes there are limitations to such thinking. You also have to know how to earn a living from your passions.
The Savvy Business Woman is also a Life Coach, Personal Trainer, Motivational Speaker, Zen Master, and Boss Lady. She embraces entrepreneurship and all its rewards (and downsides). She’ll do porn if she thinks there’s a market for it. Or she’ll dress up as Wonder Woman at cosplay conventions if she thinks that’ll give her better opportunities to hand out more business cards. Whatever works best is what she’ll do. There’s a lot to admire about that attitude.
The Elegant Temptress: Lindsay Mulinazzi.
The Elegant Temptress
While the Porn Star can be seen as crude and dirty and The Savvy Business Woman as being “too corporate” and boring, The Elegant Temptress expertly mixes sexiness with class. She’ll show off her muscular body, but only if you’ve earned the right to see it. She’ll seduce you, but only after you wine and dine her to her heart’s delight. It’s tough sledding trying to please The Elegant Temptress, however the payoff is undoubtedly worth it at the end.
The Elegant Temptress thinks The Angel and The Badass are too simplistic. Why can’t you be a little bit of both? You can dabble in playing The Porn Star at times, but using that identity too often can cheapen who you are and what you stand for. The Elegant Temptress likes to wear fancy dresses and drink expensive cocktails at high class parties. She looks down upon you if you don’t fully appreciate the divine beauty of a gorgeous muscular woman. She’s measured in her speech, dignified in her appearance, and deliberate in her behavior. Naturally, she has a reputation to maintain. In many regards, her reputation is what keeps her going.
The Elegant Temptress views The Muscle Girl Next-Door as a bumpkin. Although, technically speaking she’s also a girl “next door” of sorts – if you happen to live in the Saint-Germain-des-Prés neighborhood of Paris. Most of us don’t, so that’s out of the question. But we love her because she makes us feel like royalty. The Elegant Temptress is someone you bring with you to the Academy Awards, not the homecoming football game. She didn’t need a Fairy Godmother to turn her into the belle of the ball. She is the Fairy Godmother – and the belle of the ball – simultaneously.
This personality appeals to the gentleman in us. We want to be seduced, not taken around a back alley and given a quick blow job. We want to passionately make love to her, not bang her outside a trashy dive bar at 3 o’clock in the morning. We want to dine with her at the fanciest restaurants in the world, not order a takeout pizza and watch reruns of Seinfeld on the couch. She’s worth much more. And we wouldn’t have it any other way.
The Dignified Muscle Matriarch
Like fine wine, some muscular women get better with age. The Dignified Muscle Matriarch fits that bill perfectly. Unlike the trashy world of porn that labels such women as MILFs, The Dignified Muscle Matriarch cares deeply about her spotless reputation. She and The Elegant Temptress would be best friends. Perhaps the Dignified Muscle Matriarch once was The Elegant Temptress at an earlier point of her life, but she’s now graduated into a more maternal role.
She’ll care for you, sing to you before you fall asleep, and make you breakfast in the morning after an exhausting night of lovemaking. Odds are, she hasn’t competed in professional bodybuilding in years, but her past accomplishments speak volumes. Her trophies are already on the shelves. She doesn’t need to “prove” anything anymore. Perhaps her son or daughter now competes and she’s just a “backstage mom” who’ll root for her kids and laugh and cry alongside them when appropriate.
Unfortunately, she may not be nearly as muscular as she once was, but that’s perfectly okay. She’s allowed Father Time to put lines on her beautiful face and crinkles around her gorgeous eyes, but that doesn’t take anything away from her. She’s still as pretty as she was when she was 20 years old. But now she’s wiser, more experienced, and has weathered every storm imaginable. You definitely want somebody like that on your side when the going gets tough.
The Carefree Youth: Lauren Morasky
The Carefree Youth
Twenty or thirty years ago, The Dignified Muscle Matriarch was The Carefree Youth. She travels to exotic locations, lounges around on the beach sipping margaritas, and dances at clubs until the sun rises the next morning. She’s prone to making mistakes that will later transform her into The Elegant Temptress and perhaps later still into The Dignified Muscle Matriarch. She can essentially take on any of the previously mentioned personalities if she wants to. The only stipulation is that she doesn’t give a damn what you think.
Why wouldn’t she give a damn? Because she’s carefree, that’s why! She hasn’t yet turned 30, isn’t married, doesn’t have kids, and can spend all her disposable cash on cute outfits and trendy gym clothes. The boys will flirt with her and she’ll happily flirt back. If something comes out of it, great. If not, then that’s also great. That’s how The Carefree Youth views the world.
She loves to have fun. She loves to go to the gym and lift with the fellas. The world is her oyster and she has her entire life before her. Why settle down and find a husband? Why think about becoming a mother when that’ll get in the way of clubbing, travelling, and modeling? You only live once, so why not live it up while you still can? Your youth won’t stay with you forever. Eventually, adult responsibilities will have to be addressed. Your biological clock will start to tick. But until that time comes, there’s only one pithy mantra she dares to live by:
The Dirty Old Muscle Granny
Ugh. Not a personal favorite for many of you, but this personality does appeal to some. There isn’t much to say about this other than she’s the polar opposite of The Dignified Muscle Matriarch. She has no dignity in the traditional sense of the word. She has her limitations (maybe…), however what’s more important to her is being as perverted as possible while legally being allowed to get away with it.
She may have been The Angel in her younger days…and wants to desperately make up for lost time. So she’ll gang bang multiple men at the same time. She’ll allow a guy half her age to come on her face and smear his semen all over her skin if that’s what’ll entice him to visit her sketchy apartment. She hates social rules that say that women older than 40 are somehow irrelevant. But unlike some of the previously mentioned personas, she doesn’t just defy those rules; she smashes it with a sledgehammer. She’s not a feminist, although she certainly benefits from the societal gains earned by her more politically-conscious peers.
Well, that’s all that needs to be said about this. Now I need to go take a long shower…
The Savvy Business Woman: Monica Martin
The Fun-Loving Free Spirit
This one is a bit tricky because it’s so close to The Carefree Youth. But here’s a key difference: The Fun-Loving Free Spirit has a good heart and wants to help others. The Carefree Youth only wants to enjoy her life in the moment, while The Fun-Loving Free Spirit is much more altruistic.
The world is a better place when everybody has the opportunity to be happy. She wants to provide those opportunities for as many people as possible. She loves inspirational quotes and memes, but also appreciates a well-written book on meditation, philosophy, or spirituality. Being a bodybuilder is what makes her happy. It’s liberating because it’s so unexpected. Our culture tells her that women “shouldn’t look like that,” so she interprets that as a personal challenge to look exactly like that just to spite our cultural forbearers. But she does it with a smile, not with scorn. She rebels not for negative reasons, but for positive ones. She wants to be who she wants to be and refuses to settle for following the herd. That’s her way of dissenting and living life to the fullest.
This should tell you what she dislikes the most: Conformity.
Yuck! It feels so icky to be average.
Did I miss any major personalities? Were there any ones that particularly stuck out to you? Please let me know if you have any bright ideas in the comments below or by contacting me at ryantakahashi87 (at) yahoo (dot) com.